So, yes I love to write in the middle of 'it' - life that is..kind of..'It' has been sucking me up lately: I'm totally merging in my life here. I'm changing back to who I am - will I be able to hold on when I'm back in NL?
Owh to go back..What a joyful and dreadful subject. I'm home here - I love my life (most of the time) here. I'll miss my new friends. I'll miss living in this amazing, crazy, warm, vibrant city..But going home will be good too: seeing my family, my friends..Finishing school.
I know God brought me here..He knew I would grow and now I'm thinking 'do I need to give up again to follow Him? What did this prepare me for?'
Oh yes..middle of life: I'm sitting in Herald Square right now. It is a little triangle, two busy streets on the long sides. People sit here waiting, some eat dinner..on my left there's a couple who probably haven't seen each other in a while: we have one of those please-get-a-room-situations going on over here.. Right in front of me there was a young dad with his ice cream eating son. They just left because the little boy got upset because his dad fixed his ice cream...Families, visitors, homeless people, groups of friends..the sun is out..there's a light, warm breeze... Occasionally, some BBQ smells fly by; the street vendor on the corner. All happening right this second as I am waiting for a friend:) We're going to a concert tonight - my first one in NYC!!
So, someone just asked me if I am a writer..funny.. I like how people make small talk or ask questions (kind of personal ones) to total strangers. He noticed that I'm observing people and writing. 1+1 must be 2:) Cute. I'll take it as a compliment.
Life in New York: Bryant Park lunches with friends, a concert tonight, and a movie/dance party at my place tomorrow..
vrijdag 29 mei 2009
dinsdag 21 april 2009
Don't be nice in a bar
Life lessons can be learned anywhere..I guess. Even around midnight in a bar...
My friend , darling Miss K., celebrated her birthday in a very big, college-like way: going out to a bar with lots of friends. My first official night out in NYC..must say, it is not that much different from Amsterdam or Chico for that matter.. The night starts with girls dancing with each other; drink in hand, some MTV-like moves..The men (boys, adolescents, members of the other sex) stand and watch, drink in hand...As the night continues and more and more alcohol is consumed the guys join. By this time they are intoxicated enough to not really feel (or at least remember..) rejection..and the girls..eh..have killed so many brain cells that they can't really be hold responsible for the "dances" they do...
So..oh yes..my lesson..I learned it the "hard way"..One of Miss K.'s friends was here in NY for the first time..and at some point he seemed a little lost..standing alone..So I started talking to him for a bit, see if he liked the city and enjoyed his time here...Result: My dear friend Miss E. had to 'save' me on the dance floor - which she did like pro!; we left 1/2 an hour earlier (okay, we were home around 2AM, so that was not such a bad thing after all) and I have a facebook friend request with which I do not know what to do...
I guess on the list "Important Life Lessons" this one should come fairly high..right after "Floss daily" or something..
My friend , darling Miss K., celebrated her birthday in a very big, college-like way: going out to a bar with lots of friends. My first official night out in NYC..must say, it is not that much different from Amsterdam or Chico for that matter.. The night starts with girls dancing with each other; drink in hand, some MTV-like moves..The men (boys, adolescents, members of the other sex) stand and watch, drink in hand...As the night continues and more and more alcohol is consumed the guys join. By this time they are intoxicated enough to not really feel (or at least remember..) rejection..and the girls..eh..have killed so many brain cells that they can't really be hold responsible for the "dances" they do...
So..oh yes..my lesson..I learned it the "hard way"..One of Miss K.'s friends was here in NY for the first time..and at some point he seemed a little lost..standing alone..So I started talking to him for a bit, see if he liked the city and enjoyed his time here...Result: My dear friend Miss E. had to 'save' me on the dance floor - which she did like pro!; we left 1/2 an hour earlier (okay, we were home around 2AM, so that was not such a bad thing after all) and I have a facebook friend request with which I do not know what to do...
I guess on the list "Important Life Lessons" this one should come fairly high..right after "Floss daily" or something..
zondag 19 april 2009
to communicate
April 17th: I'm having a serious toddler flashback. I'm sitting at my desk feeling strangly unsettled..sort of angry..almost in tears..Reason: I seem unable to express myself well when I talk with my boss. We don't (she does not) understand each other (me). I'm trying to say it right and in different ways. And I think we're actually are on the same page but I'm not sure..so now I'm sitting here, remembering the strange feeling of an upcoming tantrum. Is this how I felt when I was 2? Wanting to say something but not able too? Frustrated to the core? What a horrible feeling it is!
If you think about the challenges we overcome while being very very young; learing to walk, learning to comprehend and vocalize a language wíth the cultural connotations...How could this not encourage us for any challenge we face as grown ups.."hey, I managed to learn how to walk, I'll manage ... ".
However, this was not one of those encouraging days..but it was intersting to experience a feeling I did not remember.. luckily, the weather was a-m-a-z-i-n-g..warm..inviting..spring..almost summer-like, so a good day after all! And yes, I did manage to finish the assignment successfully. 1-0 for the grown up me:) Maturity prevails - no tantrums for me anymore...
If you think about the challenges we overcome while being very very young; learing to walk, learning to comprehend and vocalize a language wíth the cultural connotations...How could this not encourage us for any challenge we face as grown ups.."hey, I managed to learn how to walk, I'll manage ... ".
However, this was not one of those encouraging days..but it was intersting to experience a feeling I did not remember.. luckily, the weather was a-m-a-z-i-n-g..warm..inviting..spring..almost summer-like, so a good day after all! And yes, I did manage to finish the assignment successfully. 1-0 for the grown up me:) Maturity prevails - no tantrums for me anymore...
woensdag 15 april 2009
USPS&I
Right this second I'm thoroughly enjoying a café au lait aka latte..it is pure perfection in a cup. I don't remember enjoying coffee this much - but this is amazing...the soft roasted flavor, covered with the sweetness of steamed milk. Perfectttt! Just like my cup of Pickwick Sterremunt tea my parents sent me 7 (!) weeks ago, but arrived yesterday.
Or 'arrived'..that's kind of an overstatement: Last Saturday I finally found a note in my mailbox saying that the mailman/woman "tried to deliver" but he/she failed (miserably - because I was HOME!! All that was needed was to ring the door bell - exhale..count to 10) and that I could pick it up at my local post office; open mon-fri 8:00-5:00, sat 8:00-4:00. But, if I didn't by the 17th it would be send back.
Taking no chances: Monday morning I will be at the post office! Leaving the apartment at 8:05AM! It's an approx. 5 min walk. Made sure I'd emailed my boss that I might be a little late thinking that I would stand in line maybe 15/20 minutes, take the train and be in by 9:15ish..WRONG..The post office is not around the block, it's 3 blocks down..one straight line though..so I arrived at 8:15..just 2 people were standing in line "Perfect", I think. After a minute I realize no one is being served. "hmmm, DR time-schedule" I think by myself (side note: our neighboring 'hood is unofficially called Little DR, referring to the - I assume - background of most of its inhabitants) which might have been a condescending thought, or a culturally conscious one..either way. Suddenly my eye falls on a note: New Hours: mon-fri 9:00-5:00, sat 9:00-4:00...What? WHAT?? Are you kidding me? So much for 'a little late'. But, what do you do? I need my package..I need to send a gift..So..as the clock moves forward more and more people show up..some leave realizing they will not be assisted for another good 30 minutes. I read a bit..try to listen in on a Spanish-with-an-accent-conversations..observe the amazing safety/protection construction of the counters. There is no, ab-so-lu-te-ly no way to get to any one behind the counter..the Plexiglas is an inch thick, what a world apart from the Dutch post offices.
By 9 the hall is packed; a door opens up and a woman appears "we're sorry but the PCs don't work. We hope to fix the problem in the next 10 minutes - crowd sighs - please have some patience". owhhhhh..GREAT..Luckily I've had a lot of patience training in Trader Joe's...see, comes in handy in unexpected moments!
9:15ish: 3 out of 7 (!) windows open and it's my turn quickly. Send my package..but for picking up I need to be at another window - AARGH bureaucrats!! "thank you," I say and smile. Next window - wait..woman disappears and I end up being assisted by the first lady..
Ooh, USPS..what to say about you.. Do basic services like mail give a snapshot impression of a country's culture? Then what does USPS say about the American culture? What does the TNT say about the Dutch?
Right before I leave a man showed the safety/protection constructions where not just decorations. He flips out about the line..being in line for 5/10 minutes was clearly too much on a Monday morning..and he demanded at the top of his lungs to speak to the manager.. "Look dude, I've been here one-hour-and-a-half..have a little patience" I thought by myself..and walked to the subway.
Or 'arrived'..that's kind of an overstatement: Last Saturday I finally found a note in my mailbox saying that the mailman/woman "tried to deliver" but he/she failed (miserably - because I was HOME!! All that was needed was to ring the door bell - exhale..count to 10) and that I could pick it up at my local post office; open mon-fri 8:00-5:00, sat 8:00-4:00. But, if I didn't by the 17th it would be send back.
Taking no chances: Monday morning I will be at the post office! Leaving the apartment at 8:05AM! It's an approx. 5 min walk. Made sure I'd emailed my boss that I might be a little late thinking that I would stand in line maybe 15/20 minutes, take the train and be in by 9:15ish..WRONG..The post office is not around the block, it's 3 blocks down..one straight line though..so I arrived at 8:15..just 2 people were standing in line "Perfect", I think. After a minute I realize no one is being served. "hmmm, DR time-schedule" I think by myself (side note: our neighboring 'hood is unofficially called Little DR, referring to the - I assume - background of most of its inhabitants) which might have been a condescending thought, or a culturally conscious one..either way. Suddenly my eye falls on a note: New Hours: mon-fri 9:00-5:00, sat 9:00-4:00...What? WHAT?? Are you kidding me? So much for 'a little late'. But, what do you do? I need my package..I need to send a gift..So..as the clock moves forward more and more people show up..some leave realizing they will not be assisted for another good 30 minutes. I read a bit..try to listen in on a Spanish-with-an-accent-conversations..observe the amazing safety/protection construction of the counters. There is no, ab-so-lu-te-ly no way to get to any one behind the counter..the Plexiglas is an inch thick, what a world apart from the Dutch post offices.
By 9 the hall is packed; a door opens up and a woman appears "we're sorry but the PCs don't work. We hope to fix the problem in the next 10 minutes - crowd sighs - please have some patience". owhhhhh..GREAT..Luckily I've had a lot of patience training in Trader Joe's...see, comes in handy in unexpected moments!
9:15ish: 3 out of 7 (!) windows open and it's my turn quickly. Send my package..but for picking up I need to be at another window - AARGH bureaucrats!! "thank you," I say and smile. Next window - wait..woman disappears and I end up being assisted by the first lady..
Ooh, USPS..what to say about you.. Do basic services like mail give a snapshot impression of a country's culture? Then what does USPS say about the American culture? What does the TNT say about the Dutch?
Right before I leave a man showed the safety/protection constructions where not just decorations. He flips out about the line..being in line for 5/10 minutes was clearly too much on a Monday morning..and he demanded at the top of his lungs to speak to the manager.. "Look dude, I've been here one-hour-and-a-half..have a little patience" I thought by myself..and walked to the subway.
dinsdag 31 maart 2009
Tuesdays..
Okay, maybe some jobs are eternal first days (see First Days - 01/26/09 blog entry). The days that I don't like my work here by far outnumber the days that i do like my job...or internship..or slave labor..whatever. It makes me wonder: Is my judgment that off? Was I too optimistic? Or am I, right now, too pessimistic? I wrote my parents a somewhat dramatic email - promptly my mom called and we chatted half-an-hour-in-hell's-portal away....Okay no, I can't say that..that would make my "co-workers" little demons......okay, no! Stop it, me!! There is simply not enough for me to do..so I work v e r y s l o w...and the things I do are too simple data entry/checking/double checking stuff. Oh, how I remember my schools internship coordinator saying "There is no strategic aspect in this internship description" to which I smart-mouthly answered "Well, does a company not have the freedom to add that later??" while I should have said "oooooh no! Thank you for warning me... I will gladly forgo my 6 month New York big city adventure and the daily struggle to NOT poke out my eyes, out of pure boredom...and the increasing tendency to trow my ancient (correction: pre-historic) PC out of the window. ('Dangit, I left all my floppy disks somewhere in the Dutch city's trash collection site, if only I had known...).
So yes, this Friday I'm at my internship-mid-point ..just 10 more weeks to go..A lot can happen in 10 weeks - trying to stay positive here. And a lot can not happen..Anyway, unlike my starting point for this whole ordeal..I'm not here for my internship..I'm here for New York (and whatever adventure God did have in mind for me, because clearly ESCADA was a nice wrapping of a much much better gift: New York, New Friends, New Life Experience) - and I'm loving it.
So yes, this Friday I'm at my internship-mid-point ..just 10 more weeks to go..A lot can happen in 10 weeks - trying to stay positive here. And a lot can not happen..Anyway, unlike my starting point for this whole ordeal..I'm not here for my internship..I'm here for New York (and whatever adventure God did have in mind for me, because clearly ESCADA was a nice wrapping of a much much better gift: New York, New Friends, New Life Experience) - and I'm loving it.
zaterdag 28 maart 2009
..and God heard her cry..
If you look at my last blog entry you'd might think that blogging was my lent-give-up-thing..but it was not. The last couple of weeks were a little rough. I don't like to write when I'm down - making sure you're not reading a wailing wall here..and right now my head is spinning with all the things I want to tell you. They might not be big things but they were profound..small breakthroughs with life long impact? Who knows:) But to sum up, these past 3-4 weeks I've gotten a year older (24 was a marked year for me..and reaching it was harder than I thought it would be), I've continued to work at my internship (realizing that if this was my job back home..that I would quit and look for something else..that's how much I 'like' it), I've cut ties with a ghost from my past (which was hard because it felt as if I was giving up on hope..but now I know I was hoping for a chocolate chip cookie while God promised me an über-delicious pie - oh help me..I'm speaking food-metaphors:) I gave up music for 21 days (yes I managed to extend it one day - no..decided 21 was better than 20 - I'm a sucker for symbolisms:) it was a challenge..and confronting..but very very good to do! I shopped (clothes..shoes..lots and lots of groceries), cleaned..read, listened, hung out with friends, cared..cried, laughed..loved, missed, and enjoyed music again..
Yesterday I sat in the subway on my way home..with a Trader Joe's grocery bag on my lap..being very content with my life..watching boys and girls being all dressed up for a night in town.. because yes..it was 10.15ish PM...'And this is my life', I thought, 'this is me. Going home on Saturday night with groceries..happy as a clam.' I spend the day with a very sweet new friend. We shopped a little, talked about life, chalked on Union Square, had diner with her roommate..walked around..and ended up in Trader Joe's for a all-most-midnight grocery shopping trip. So, yes, I'm back from my dark days and enjoying my life here in the BIG city very much:)
And thus which cry did God hear? God heard my heart..my dreams, desires..my hopes and fears..It is amazing how He knows me..How my life makes sense looking back..and that gives me freedom to be excited about what's going to come because I know that if I stay close to Him, my life will be full beyond what I could possibly imagine (Isaiah 55:8-9). I've been reading the book 'Desire' by John Eldredge and in it he says '..holiness is not numbness; it is sensitivity. It is being more attuned to our desires, to what we were truly made for and therefore what we truly want. Our problem is that we've grown quite used to seeking life in all kinds of things other than God. --- And so May comments, "The more we become accustomed to seeking spiritual satisfaction through things other than God, the more abnormal and stressful it becomes to look for God directly." --- And so the first command comes first. God tells us to love Him with all our hearts and all our souls, with all our minds and all our desires. When we don't look for God as our true life, our desire for Him spills over into our other desires, giving them an ultimacy and urgency they were never intended to bear. --- All we truly need is God. Prone to wander from Him, we find we need all sorts of other things. Our desire becomes insatiable because we've taken our longing for the Infinite and placed it upon finite things. God saves us from the whole mimetic mess by turning our hearts back to Him.'
And that is what God has been teaching me..taking a broader perspective and trusting Him with my heart.
Yesterday I sat in the subway on my way home..with a Trader Joe's grocery bag on my lap..being very content with my life..watching boys and girls being all dressed up for a night in town.. because yes..it was 10.15ish PM...'And this is my life', I thought, 'this is me. Going home on Saturday night with groceries..happy as a clam.' I spend the day with a very sweet new friend. We shopped a little, talked about life, chalked on Union Square, had diner with her roommate..walked around..and ended up in Trader Joe's for a all-most-midnight grocery shopping trip. So, yes, I'm back from my dark days and enjoying my life here in the BIG city very much:)
And thus which cry did God hear? God heard my heart..my dreams, desires..my hopes and fears..It is amazing how He knows me..How my life makes sense looking back..and that gives me freedom to be excited about what's going to come because I know that if I stay close to Him, my life will be full beyond what I could possibly imagine (Isaiah 55:8-9). I've been reading the book 'Desire' by John Eldredge and in it he says '..holiness is not numbness; it is sensitivity. It is being more attuned to our desires, to what we were truly made for and therefore what we truly want. Our problem is that we've grown quite used to seeking life in all kinds of things other than God. --- And so May comments, "The more we become accustomed to seeking spiritual satisfaction through things other than God, the more abnormal and stressful it becomes to look for God directly." --- And so the first command comes first. God tells us to love Him with all our hearts and all our souls, with all our minds and all our desires. When we don't look for God as our true life, our desire for Him spills over into our other desires, giving them an ultimacy and urgency they were never intended to bear. --- All we truly need is God. Prone to wander from Him, we find we need all sorts of other things. Our desire becomes insatiable because we've taken our longing for the Infinite and placed it upon finite things. God saves us from the whole mimetic mess by turning our hearts back to Him.'
And that is what God has been teaching me..taking a broader perspective and trusting Him with my heart.
zondag 8 maart 2009
Weather Schizofrenia and falling in love
Perhaps it is this country's preference for extremes or having it all - in a big way. But we went from even-if-i-wear-all-my-clothes-i-will-not-be-warm-enough on Monday to absolute gorgeous Spring weather 1-cotton-layer-is-perfect on Saturday. We met two seasons in one week! Sunday night there was a weather warning for a snow storm and the schools were closed on Monday! And then came Saturday..62*F (16*C)..a warm breeze through the city.. What a beautiful end of the week it was! Amazing! and I fell in love with NYC..
One of my favorite chains in the United States is Trader Joe's. Love their stores, love the concept...but there is only one in ALL of Manhattan. ONE, EIN, UNO, UN, EEN! One store for (I googled it..but the answers vary) 1.5 million people on the island itself! And 2 stores for the 8 million inhabitants of New York City (there is one in Brooklyn too).. So, okay not EVERYONE shops at Trader Joe's..but still..
Having been there twice now I have learned that there are 3 categories of TJ's-shoppers: 1. The new ones like me: probably new NYC inhabitants looking for some TJ's comfort and good vitamin deals. They come in by themselves and try to blend in with a basket or a card. Shopping, searching and observing at the same time. Then there are the new ones who do not live in NYC but are welcome visitors; tourists and the like. They shop around in mere oblivion..Enjoying the store and it's variety of products. That is..if they are not scared away by the register line which often starts at the door or somewhere in the middle of the store..giving you a good 20 minutes to exercise patience. And then there is the third group: the TJ's trained customers. This group knows the store and has a plan. They come with a partner - a spouse, a friend, a date, a child, a neighbor or grandma - who, as soon as they enter the store - park in line with basket or usually a cart. And THEN they roam through the store looking for all they need and return to the cart time after time with their treasures. Since the line goes right by the cheese, milk, cereal and yogurt those items are collected while passing by. Sometimes things are reversed..mom will stand in line and child will hunt. I guess it is a way to train youngsters about how to collect food and necessities in the world "no no, i mean the other soup..to your left..LEFT! yes..no the green pack. Yes that's the one! Okay, now go get bread..the one we always have." And child heads out to hunt some more..
So it got me thinking (20 minutes in line gives you time to think or read if you brought a book). It would be an interesting dating arena. You match with someone online or where ever. And decide to meet at TJ's to chat a bit while shopping. Park him in line (cause you're part of the trained group now) and find your stuff while at the same time chatting so now and then. Then you switch - he goes and collects and then you wait together in line while getting to know each other. It is perfect, casual - a little conversation, a little action, and you can learn a lot about someone by looking at what they buy. Of course you each pay for your own groceries..maintaining independence. And if you clicked, there could be a real date later or a drink right away at a nearby establishment. And if you happen to lack any kind of similarity, no biggie..you've got your TJ's groceries in an effective way..and parting ways at the stores entrance provides the chance to forgo the whole weird goodbye (should I let him walk me home..do we shake hands? or kiss on the cheek? or kiss?). But, I'll think about it some more before I place an ad :)
One of my favorite chains in the United States is Trader Joe's. Love their stores, love the concept...but there is only one in ALL of Manhattan. ONE, EIN, UNO, UN, EEN! One store for (I googled it..but the answers vary) 1.5 million people on the island itself! And 2 stores for the 8 million inhabitants of New York City (there is one in Brooklyn too).. So, okay not EVERYONE shops at Trader Joe's..but still..
Having been there twice now I have learned that there are 3 categories of TJ's-shoppers: 1. The new ones like me: probably new NYC inhabitants looking for some TJ's comfort and good vitamin deals. They come in by themselves and try to blend in with a basket or a card. Shopping, searching and observing at the same time. Then there are the new ones who do not live in NYC but are welcome visitors; tourists and the like. They shop around in mere oblivion..Enjoying the store and it's variety of products. That is..if they are not scared away by the register line which often starts at the door or somewhere in the middle of the store..giving you a good 20 minutes to exercise patience. And then there is the third group: the TJ's trained customers. This group knows the store and has a plan. They come with a partner - a spouse, a friend, a date, a child, a neighbor or grandma - who, as soon as they enter the store - park in line with basket or usually a cart. And THEN they roam through the store looking for all they need and return to the cart time after time with their treasures. Since the line goes right by the cheese, milk, cereal and yogurt those items are collected while passing by. Sometimes things are reversed..mom will stand in line and child will hunt. I guess it is a way to train youngsters about how to collect food and necessities in the world "no no, i mean the other soup..to your left..LEFT! yes..no the green pack. Yes that's the one! Okay, now go get bread..the one we always have." And child heads out to hunt some more..
So it got me thinking (20 minutes in line gives you time to think or read if you brought a book). It would be an interesting dating arena. You match with someone online or where ever. And decide to meet at TJ's to chat a bit while shopping. Park him in line (cause you're part of the trained group now) and find your stuff while at the same time chatting so now and then. Then you switch - he goes and collects and then you wait together in line while getting to know each other. It is perfect, casual - a little conversation, a little action, and you can learn a lot about someone by looking at what they buy. Of course you each pay for your own groceries..maintaining independence. And if you clicked, there could be a real date later or a drink right away at a nearby establishment. And if you happen to lack any kind of similarity, no biggie..you've got your TJ's groceries in an effective way..and parting ways at the stores entrance provides the chance to forgo the whole weird goodbye (should I let him walk me home..do we shake hands? or kiss on the cheek? or kiss?). But, I'll think about it some more before I place an ad :)
maandag 2 maart 2009
Cuddly Feet and Fasting part 2
I have a confession to make: I, second daughter of two old YWAM-ers (old as in former, I DON'T think you're old, mom, honestly:), and one of them a true-blood hippy, have surrendered to the masses in an obvious decadent way and have bought Uggs (this happend pre-lent by the way...)and am loving them! It is like walking on air..big fluffy clouds, cotton candy..i-might-be-growing-wings-cause-i-feel-lighter-feet. But, in my defence, having good (and warm - there is about 8 cm of snow right now!) shoes is a necessity here in NYC. Most destinations (work, church, grocery store, friends) are reached by a combination of public transport and the two o'bones&muscle sticks. And apart from the fact that they were too cold, my sneakers decided it was enough and died last week..and walking on my high heels is something I prefer not to do too much because 1. bad knee - accident and 2. I still have good feet - never walked on high heels much.....And so I bought my first pair of Uggs online - speaking of decadency.
You might wonder how lent/fasting is going for me and if (and what) I decided to give something up. Well, what I am currently NOT doing is the thing that will impact my relationship with God the most AND is practical - without severe social or economic consequences. Economic?? Yes, America, the only reason you're still here is because of the amount of euros I personally pump into your economy - just kidding..but I'm trying to do my part.. However, I am making it a bit easier by not setting the bar too high: it's only for 20 days and then I'll either continue, switch to doing something else NOT or stop doing something not while continueing to do what I think lent and fasting stand for - connecting with God.
I do have to say though that having no music makes all other forms of media/entertainment much more attractive. So right now, I am trying to find a balance between not banning all media and still creating enough quiet spaces in my day to connect with God. But somehow music finds me...if not through the joyful distribution of second hand music from my fellow subway rider than through the amazing collection in my head. I've heard tunes that haven't been around for y-e-a-r-s! :)
You might wonder how lent/fasting is going for me and if (and what) I decided to give something up. Well, what I am currently NOT doing is the thing that will impact my relationship with God the most AND is practical - without severe social or economic consequences. Economic?? Yes, America, the only reason you're still here is because of the amount of euros I personally pump into your economy - just kidding..but I'm trying to do my part.. However, I am making it a bit easier by not setting the bar too high: it's only for 20 days and then I'll either continue, switch to doing something else NOT or stop doing something not while continueing to do what I think lent and fasting stand for - connecting with God.
I do have to say though that having no music makes all other forms of media/entertainment much more attractive. So right now, I am trying to find a balance between not banning all media and still creating enough quiet spaces in my day to connect with God. But somehow music finds me...if not through the joyful distribution of second hand music from my fellow subway rider than through the amazing collection in my head. I've heard tunes that haven't been around for y-e-a-r-s! :)
dinsdag 24 februari 2009
Fasting contemplations at Starbucks...
I read today in my free news paper -metro- that the subway is seeing a decline in passengers for the first time in x amount of years. It is a direct result of the lay -offs. Which could tell us some interesting things, but I'm drawing blanks right now...
But back to the subway: I needed something to do for my subway rides home. In the morning I usually travel -or commute- with Lindy, so I don't need entertainment. And I do have my Ipod with enough music to ride the subway while being serenaded for hours...but the trains are loud and I don't want to be deaf at the end of my stay here. So, solution: I bought a book - but it is SO FUNNY that it makes me laugh out loud!! And that makes me a little self-conscious. So I laugh softly -but hard- which I think makes me look like I'm either crying (dramatically - ugly face) or choking on something...So now I ride the subways with a book burning a hole in my bag, in serious need of being read - because we all do need some uncontrollable laughs in our lives sometimes. Perhaps, I'll be brave enough to start reading it again and not think about that people might think I'm a crazy lady laughing about nothing.
Oh, tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. The church I go to actually does something for this day and the following 40 days. It made me think about lent and fasting for those 40 days. But what to fast on?? First I thought "no eating out" which would be a serious challenge..."and would getting lunch count as eating out?" These questions are important, but it might be my motivation that is really questionable - eating out takes a proportionate part of my budget. Lent would be the perfect excuse. So then I switched to "only buying necessities, no clothes, music, magazines, books or luxurious foods/drinks, only simple groceries"...but my birthday is somewhere in the middle of lent (sidetrack: realizing this made me grateful I'm not catholic otherwise my bdays would probably not have been much fun for the last 23 years....) and lacking family and close friends to spoil me, I might just have to do it myself. So, moving on..."no music?" I've done it before, and it is a good one because I do have the tendency to fill silences with music - Silences in which God might want to speak to me since most of my prayers are me rambling and God listening (very patiently)...but I don't want to......well, get depressed. 40 days without music is very very long!! So, next! "perhaps no make-up? no...No....NOOOOO!! That is a LIFE NECESSITY!!!" then I realized that Jesus made it 40 days and nights without food and water and they might be a little higher on the scale of physical needs....hmmm...still, I don't want to look tired or even sick for 40 days - what if I meet PC (read: Prince Charming) and he might be totally not interested because I'll look 14 instead of 24! "So, maybe just a little bit of make-up would be an option?" Nuh...that's so semi-lent-ish. "No parfume?" Nah..that's too easy. "40 days no sex?" eeh...what sex? "40 days no tv?"..I don't watch much tv here; don't think those 2 hours a week will make much of an impact. "40 days no deodorant?" Eh..I'm not sure if becoming a social pariah is one of the objectives...."No Starbucks?, no tweezers? (neueueuue, see deo part), no flirting? (as if...ah well...okay..:), no chocolate?, no driving?, no phone?, no meat?, no cookies?, no chips?, no gum? DEAR LORD, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME NOT TO DO???" Then I realized, perhaps it is not about what NOT to do..but what TO DO - finding God. Reconnecting. Catching up. Perhaps it is not about doing something not for 40 days..but consciously searching God for 40 days. And abstaining from otherwise cluttering habits (like listening to music) might be helpful - but it is not the goal, just a mean.
But back to the subway: I needed something to do for my subway rides home. In the morning I usually travel -or commute- with Lindy, so I don't need entertainment. And I do have my Ipod with enough music to ride the subway while being serenaded for hours...but the trains are loud and I don't want to be deaf at the end of my stay here. So, solution: I bought a book - but it is SO FUNNY that it makes me laugh out loud!! And that makes me a little self-conscious. So I laugh softly -but hard- which I think makes me look like I'm either crying (dramatically - ugly face) or choking on something...So now I ride the subways with a book burning a hole in my bag, in serious need of being read - because we all do need some uncontrollable laughs in our lives sometimes. Perhaps, I'll be brave enough to start reading it again and not think about that people might think I'm a crazy lady laughing about nothing.
Oh, tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. The church I go to actually does something for this day and the following 40 days. It made me think about lent and fasting for those 40 days. But what to fast on?? First I thought "no eating out" which would be a serious challenge..."and would getting lunch count as eating out?" These questions are important, but it might be my motivation that is really questionable - eating out takes a proportionate part of my budget. Lent would be the perfect excuse. So then I switched to "only buying necessities, no clothes, music, magazines, books or luxurious foods/drinks, only simple groceries"...but my birthday is somewhere in the middle of lent (sidetrack: realizing this made me grateful I'm not catholic otherwise my bdays would probably not have been much fun for the last 23 years....) and lacking family and close friends to spoil me, I might just have to do it myself. So, moving on..."no music?" I've done it before, and it is a good one because I do have the tendency to fill silences with music - Silences in which God might want to speak to me since most of my prayers are me rambling and God listening (very patiently)...but I don't want to......well, get depressed. 40 days without music is very very long!! So, next! "perhaps no make-up? no...No....NOOOOO!! That is a LIFE NECESSITY!!!" then I realized that Jesus made it 40 days and nights without food and water and they might be a little higher on the scale of physical needs....hmmm...still, I don't want to look tired or even sick for 40 days - what if I meet PC (read: Prince Charming) and he might be totally not interested because I'll look 14 instead of 24! "So, maybe just a little bit of make-up would be an option?" Nuh...that's so semi-lent-ish. "No parfume?" Nah..that's too easy. "40 days no sex?" eeh...what sex? "40 days no tv?"..I don't watch much tv here; don't think those 2 hours a week will make much of an impact. "40 days no deodorant?" Eh..I'm not sure if becoming a social pariah is one of the objectives...."No Starbucks?, no tweezers? (neueueuue, see deo part), no flirting? (as if...ah well...okay..:), no chocolate?, no driving?, no phone?, no meat?, no cookies?, no chips?, no gum? DEAR LORD, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME NOT TO DO???" Then I realized, perhaps it is not about what NOT to do..but what TO DO - finding God. Reconnecting. Catching up. Perhaps it is not about doing something not for 40 days..but consciously searching God for 40 days. And abstaining from otherwise cluttering habits (like listening to music) might be helpful - but it is not the goal, just a mean.
vrijdag 20 februari 2009
in a month
New York has been my home now for one month..and it has become home! I know where to go grocery shopping. Where to get my tooth paste. I go to work daily..and look forward to the weekends. When people ask me for directions (usually something like 'where can I find the .. subway?) I can send them in an approximately right direction. If they get lost again, they should just ask someone where ever I've send them:) That's what I do too!
Did I already tell that the escalators in the subway tell you 'have a nice day'? Isn't that something? Something CRAZY? Or is it just my European down-to-earth cultural judgement? At the risk of sounding as a dark-spirited grumpy old lady.... Does it not totally rob the meaning of the words when they are said to you by an ESCALATOR? hahaha..aah, anyway, on the other side..it is kind of funny and has the ability to put a smile on my face most of the times I hear it...just because it is...well, odd.
What else did I learn in the last month..making Indonesian (good tasting Indonesian!) food is possible! My sister visited me last weekend and we cooked up some delicious Indo dishes:) You never know you know...even though you bring the same spices (or have them shipped over and cut open by customs - their dogs must have been going C-R-A-Z-Y!!)the other ingredients might be slightly different..However it worked out perfectly!
And my sister's visit...oh, how different a city is when you can share it with someone you love!! We've been alllllll over town: Union Square, lunches at Whole Foods, Soho, South Ferry to Staten Island - which btw should learn how to make themselves attractive for tourists..a sign 'DON'T RUN BACK ON THE FERRY..come hang with us' somehow just doesn't do it.. - Free Friday at MOMA compliments of Target, Trinity Grace Church, McQ for Target sale, Confessions of a Shopaholic, Grand Central Station, Central Park, the Public Library, Hale&Hearty, Starbucks of course (my favorite: Vanilla Earl Grey Misto)...and..and..AND Max Brenner...OH Max!!!!! Chocolate Heaven!!! If you live in a city without Max..go to the website and petition on behalf of all your fellow citizens for a MB in your home town... (www.maxbrenner.com - Amsterdam I put in the first request for you). I do badly hope that my sister will be able to stop by in Spring/Summer...even if it would just be to experience a NORMAL subway ride... No, it would be just awesome to share this great great GREAT city in warmer weather with my sis!
New York, New Day Tomorrow... YAY!!
Did I already tell that the escalators in the subway tell you 'have a nice day'? Isn't that something? Something CRAZY? Or is it just my European down-to-earth cultural judgement? At the risk of sounding as a dark-spirited grumpy old lady.... Does it not totally rob the meaning of the words when they are said to you by an ESCALATOR? hahaha..aah, anyway, on the other side..it is kind of funny and has the ability to put a smile on my face most of the times I hear it...just because it is...well, odd.
What else did I learn in the last month..making Indonesian (good tasting Indonesian!) food is possible! My sister visited me last weekend and we cooked up some delicious Indo dishes:) You never know you know...even though you bring the same spices (or have them shipped over and cut open by customs - their dogs must have been going C-R-A-Z-Y!!)the other ingredients might be slightly different..However it worked out perfectly!
And my sister's visit...oh, how different a city is when you can share it with someone you love!! We've been alllllll over town: Union Square, lunches at Whole Foods, Soho, South Ferry to Staten Island - which btw should learn how to make themselves attractive for tourists..a sign 'DON'T RUN BACK ON THE FERRY..come hang with us' somehow just doesn't do it.. - Free Friday at MOMA compliments of Target, Trinity Grace Church, McQ for Target sale, Confessions of a Shopaholic, Grand Central Station, Central Park, the Public Library, Hale&Hearty, Starbucks of course (my favorite: Vanilla Earl Grey Misto)...and..and..AND Max Brenner...OH Max!!!!! Chocolate Heaven!!! If you live in a city without Max..go to the website and petition on behalf of all your fellow citizens for a MB in your home town... (www.maxbrenner.com - Amsterdam I put in the first request for you). I do badly hope that my sister will be able to stop by in Spring/Summer...even if it would just be to experience a NORMAL subway ride... No, it would be just awesome to share this great great GREAT city in warmer weather with my sis!
New York, New Day Tomorrow... YAY!!
zondag 8 februari 2009
Feb. 3rd
I'll turn 24 in one month...
I'm sitting in yet again another Starbucks, drinking my second latte of the day. Caffeine is my best friend today: rough night, tough day.
Rough night because...I'm not sure why, but the neighbors loud Spanish tv did NOT help..it's been going on for some time - not during the day (when I'm not at home anyway) but at night I'm too tired to email the board about it. They would probably be able to fix the problem..Anyway, I should not whine but act..
And tough day: well, it's not too bad. The Escada Manager's Meeting is going on. We all had to introduce ourselves, so it gave some ground to connect with the interns of other departments It is so much easier to start a conversation with someone when you know a little bit about them!
The strategic part was interesting, but after about 45 minutes of product (VERY expensive pants, dresses, shirts) and fabric (HIGH end stuff) I ran! One can only take so much :) My head was spinning and I hid at my desk. Luckily I could do some stuff and wait for the 'sales techniques/behavior' part, which was nice.
But it is a tough day just because I miss home, I'm tired, and not really happy in my work. Maybe it is my perspective but it is sometimes as if I'm invisible..and the things I do..well, challenging is not part of the description.
BUT..but this day could still turn out pretty good..I'm meeting my roommate to go to Paradox, an interdenominal "small group" (30-100 people, depends if there's food or not..) for Christians who work in the fashion industry. It originates from 'Models for Christ', but now all professions in the industry are welcome. I'm curious! Look forward to meet new people!
Ah, well..life in NY is currently wet and cold (snow/rain combination) and dark..but it is still full of life and hope!
I'm sitting in yet again another Starbucks, drinking my second latte of the day. Caffeine is my best friend today: rough night, tough day.
Rough night because...I'm not sure why, but the neighbors loud Spanish tv did NOT help..it's been going on for some time - not during the day (when I'm not at home anyway) but at night I'm too tired to email the board about it. They would probably be able to fix the problem..Anyway, I should not whine but act..
And tough day: well, it's not too bad. The Escada Manager's Meeting is going on. We all had to introduce ourselves, so it gave some ground to connect with the interns of other departments It is so much easier to start a conversation with someone when you know a little bit about them!
The strategic part was interesting, but after about 45 minutes of product (VERY expensive pants, dresses, shirts) and fabric (HIGH end stuff) I ran! One can only take so much :) My head was spinning and I hid at my desk. Luckily I could do some stuff and wait for the 'sales techniques/behavior' part, which was nice.
But it is a tough day just because I miss home, I'm tired, and not really happy in my work. Maybe it is my perspective but it is sometimes as if I'm invisible..and the things I do..well, challenging is not part of the description.
BUT..but this day could still turn out pretty good..I'm meeting my roommate to go to Paradox, an interdenominal "small group" (30-100 people, depends if there's food or not..) for Christians who work in the fashion industry. It originates from 'Models for Christ', but now all professions in the industry are welcome. I'm curious! Look forward to meet new people!
Ah, well..life in NY is currently wet and cold (snow/rain combination) and dark..but it is still full of life and hope!
zondag 1 februari 2009
The United States of Fashion
It is Sunday evening and time for bed. I'm writing this straight online - unusual:) Like a true fashionista -which I'm not, but just to give my current position a title:)- I have planned all my outfits including shoes for the week...AND made a picture of them (!) to make sure I remember it. Hopefully it will save me a ton of time in the morning!
Today is Superbowl - the football game of the year. So I went with Lindy to my first Superbowl party ever! It was one organized by and for people who are all in fashion. It was fun to see people get excited about a game that does not make sense whatsoever. We didn't stay very long - we were getting tired....so went home and watched 'the devil wears Prada' - speaking of fashion.
Anyway, I'm getting ready for week two at ESCADA. It should be an exciting week with the store managers meeting 2009! I'm looking forward to it actually! Part of does not want to hope for to much - I don't want to be dissapointed... But dream big:
"Build a dream and the dream will build you" - Robert Schuller
I still can't believe I'm here, living this life and I'm still not sure what exactly I am doing here. But I know (I KNOW) God does want me here and the He is with me where ever I go...no, HE went before me and following Him, putting my dreams in His Hands, will make life so much more (fulfilling, exciting, safe, adventurous...) than I can possibly dream - which is kind of scary too:)
It is time for bed now - busy week ahead...and lots of dreaming to do.
donderdag 29 januari 2009
January 28th Third days-soup-sushi
Sitting in a Starbucks on 5th Ave. Sounds really posh - but in the end 5th is just a street (nice parts, and less nice parts). I'm waiting for my lovely roommate Lindy. She is very sweet and invited me to dinner with her two best friends. We're going to have sushi - let's hope good sushi otherwise I'll be traumatized for life.
But Lindy: she is very talkative, very sweet. She works for the designer Reem Acra in the bridal department, and often comes home full of stories:)
A reason why life here is in NY is expensive - it's not outragous..but it is so easy to get something. 1. For lunch I went out to get soup (check out: www.haleandhearty.com) because it is easy, delicious and pretty healthy. And i haven't gotten around to buy nutricious takeable stuff yet. 2. I just had Starbucks coffee because I needed to wait somewhere and don't want to sit here without buying a drink - and frankly, a portion of caffeine was not totall unnecessary and 3. I'll be going out for diner: 2nd time this week! Anyway, it's the so-called good life:)
the man next to me is ratteling in Spanish - I really should take classes!
And yeah, work has improved a bit. My boss and I are connecting a bit more. I ask about EVERYTHING - but hey, I'm here to learn. I asked if could sit in on the store managers meeting for the strategic part, and she said I could sit in the whole day! Let's hope it will be VERY informative!
My tea this morning (celestial seasonings, compliments from Escada) provided a good quote today: "Live in each season as it passes; breath the air; drink the drink; taste the fruit." - Henry Davind Thoreau. This is my NYC season - and I'm grateful for it:)
But Lindy: she is very talkative, very sweet. She works for the designer Reem Acra in the bridal department, and often comes home full of stories:)
A reason why life here is in NY is expensive - it's not outragous..but it is so easy to get something. 1. For lunch I went out to get soup (check out: www.haleandhearty.com) because it is easy, delicious and pretty healthy. And i haven't gotten around to buy nutricious takeable stuff yet. 2. I just had Starbucks coffee because I needed to wait somewhere and don't want to sit here without buying a drink - and frankly, a portion of caffeine was not totall unnecessary and 3. I'll be going out for diner: 2nd time this week! Anyway, it's the so-called good life:)
the man next to me is ratteling in Spanish - I really should take classes!
And yeah, work has improved a bit. My boss and I are connecting a bit more. I ask about EVERYTHING - but hey, I'm here to learn. I asked if could sit in on the store managers meeting for the strategic part, and she said I could sit in the whole day! Let's hope it will be VERY informative!
My tea this morning (celestial seasonings, compliments from Escada) provided a good quote today: "Live in each season as it passes; breath the air; drink the drink; taste the fruit." - Henry Davind Thoreau. This is my NYC season - and I'm grateful for it:)
January 26th - First days
Fortunately, I am not as nervous as I thought I would be - ehy..I survived moving to New York City, I can do pretty much anything:)
Made sure I was right on time - no manager in sight..so spend some time helping HR out..which is.. well probably it is a sign of how interns are looked upon here.
Lunchbreak right now; spend too much money on a FANTASTIC soup. But it is a REAL FIRST DAY , one of those where you think "if every day is going to be like this I WILL DIE!!" (add dramatic tone, face and hand gestures).
Home now: sitting on the couch..just eat some dinner; eggs, carrots&Triscuits - very student like..not really in the cooking mood yet. Half eye on the tv..and reflecting back on my 1st day as one of the working bees.
So, okay it was my first day..but it was not as I hoped, as I thought. Perhaps expected too much glamour - it's Escada after all..perhaps I hoped for too much - a plan, or some kind of schedule would have been great.
It's been a little frustrating today..but it was a first day.
Let me finish with something positive: the sun did shine today:) I talked with my sister:) got email at work from my mom:) connected with my roommates:) eat great soup for lunch:) AND in a minute I am going to steam my clothes! No ironing - steaming is sooooo much more fun! :) Tomorrow is a new day - new opportunities, new challenges, new chances..
Made sure I was right on time - no manager in sight..so spend some time helping HR out..which is.. well probably it is a sign of how interns are looked upon here.
Lunchbreak right now; spend too much money on a FANTASTIC soup. But it is a REAL FIRST DAY , one of those where you think "if every day is going to be like this I WILL DIE!!" (add dramatic tone, face and hand gestures).
Home now: sitting on the couch..just eat some dinner; eggs, carrots&Triscuits - very student like..not really in the cooking mood yet. Half eye on the tv..and reflecting back on my 1st day as one of the working bees.
So, okay it was my first day..but it was not as I hoped, as I thought. Perhaps expected too much glamour - it's Escada after all..perhaps I hoped for too much - a plan, or some kind of schedule would have been great.
It's been a little frustrating today..but it was a first day.
Let me finish with something positive: the sun did shine today:) I talked with my sister:) got email at work from my mom:) connected with my roommates:) eat great soup for lunch:) AND in a minute I am going to steam my clothes! No ironing - steaming is sooooo much more fun! :) Tomorrow is a new day - new opportunities, new challenges, new chances..
zaterdag 24 januari 2009
Lamp Hunting 101
This course is directed at students who are in need of lamp and live in urban areas.
Preparation:
Research, research, research, baby! Many options, many choices, but a limited budget make internet research essential. Compare prices and styles AND delivery terms and possibilities or other forms of transportation - subway? bus? taxi? the old fashion legs?
Implementation:
IKEA seems to provide nice lamps for a very reasonable price - can I buy it with a clean conscience?? AND they provide FREE shuttle busses!! Woohoo! It does require you to cross to another state...but who cares! A new FREE (for the most part) adventure!
Prep on time for the day of the hunt. Stock up on some snacks. Take a 25 minute subway ride to the bus terminal..CORRECTION: construction on the A track. Take an EVERLASTING bus ride through the entire city..stop every half a mile - but enjoy the tour: new sights..actually: sights! Which are a major advantage over subway rides. Walk 15 minutes from 42nd and 5th to 42nd and 8th at a New York speed to avoid being overloaded by touristy fliers. Search the right bus, wait for bus, enjoy the ride.
Arrive at IKEA (I forget for a moment that I'm in the US, not in Amsterdam Zuid Oost). Run through the store to find everything in 30 minutes so waiting on the next bus is limited. Meanwhile, keep your eyes open for that one Golden Lamp:) and try not to be tempted by all the little pick-me-ups "do I really really REALLY NEED it?" should be your credo. Check out and enjoy the bus ride to Manhattan - with a great view of the island!
Walk a block to the 1 subway - busses take to long..with heavy lamp-in-box, bag with pick-me-ups (I did not succeed...but in my case they fall under 'necessities') and regular -too heavy- bag....Wait for the 1. Stuff yourself in a crowded train..and try not to hit anyone with one of your bags OR drop your precious lamp. Be prepared to stop at EVERY station....unlike the express train..walk 2 blocks to apt with arms as heavy as lead.
Costs:
Time, lots of time..5 hours in total. Some dollars, but only 3.25% sales tax! And lots of 'sorry's' and 'excuse me's'.
Prize:
A wonderful lamp! Couple of other things to make a house a home:) And the realization that what you did might have been a bigger deal than you first thought, that you can do quite a lot, that life is different, but fun without a car and that living in NYC is not such a bad thing after all...
Note from the author: it could have been some what faster, perhaps 3.5-4 hours.. Roommate explained that construction on subway is usually just between 2 stations..so if I would have taken the right bus I could have been at the bus terminal in 20-30 minutes..instead of an hour and a half! Ah well...I got to see Manhattan.. ALL of it!
vrijdag 23 januari 2009
Transit &Transition
I've noticed I like to write while I'm outside, in the middle, experiencing what I'm writing about. And right this second I'm standing in a lovely warm, low, winter sun, waiting for a friend, not really enjoying the view (cause it's not that pretty) but definitely enjoying the moment. New York is growing on me...
Just dropped off my friend Harm at the airtrain to JFK. He was passing through the City from a vacation in Costa Rica and Panama. We're friends through the HES - studying the same thing - and he has showed me around NY for a bit AND helped me find things like clothing hangers and sheets...which are hard to find if you're used to the Hema at the Kalverstraat or Gedempte Gracht..He is going to do an internship in Munich, Germany! It was great to have him here:) Human connection is a complex but beautiful thing - a familiar face can change a new, big, scary place into a world ready to be discovered!
So far I've learned that NYC is pretty easy to get around. The way the streets are numbered/named makes it easy to locate where you are. It is finding things, simple things, that make moving to a new city so exhausting. You're "on" 24/7..nothing goes automatic.
By the way, I'm in the subway right now. I don't know what it is - could it be the lighting, the low oxygen or the electricity in the air? - but there is something beautiful about people in subways. Perhaps it's the mixture of sitting still and being in transit, or the way people are turned 'inward' seemingly "cocooning" while being so close to one another physically. I love watching people and wonder what their stories are - and the New York City Subway provides ample opportunity!
woensdag 21 januari 2009
January 20th - Third places
Right now I'm sitting in my new 'third place' - the Starbucks in my street.. my street..hmm it almost sounds like a mixture of a lie and a bad joke..and at the same time it is not. My new roommate is sitting across the table. She is doing her homework for FIT - fashion school. Reading my lovely book 'Why we buy' I'm grateful not to have to do any homework for a while.
Starbucks really does feel like my 'third place'..and I am starting to relax a bit and enjoy the sounds of different conversations and the occasional milk-heater/foamer.
Rough day today...woke up thinking "WHAT HAVE I DONE??" leaving my warm home, parents, friends, family..leaving Familiarity (read the book 'the DreamGiver') to be all alone in this huge city..to start all over - what was I thinking. So I called my sister crying - scaring my brother-in-law half to death. He picked up the phone first..I just wanted to talk to someone who knows me and knows I'll get through this..And who can do a better job than your sister? Well, MY sister! :) After an hour conversation with lots of encouragments I watched Obama's inauguration. It was beautiful, peaceful, hopeful, but it will take time and dedication to make it reality, America.
Then I went out..stepped out in a new world looking for things I need - bank account, social security number, phone number and a place to copy forms... To find a place to copy forms in a city you don't know is a challenge in a separate category. And asking people hasn't proven to be very helpful: after the bank clerk told me to go to Staples and pointed in a vague direction I decided to ask a man on the street. Walking up to him I asked "Can I ask you a question?" he stepped a little closer to hear better, so I continued "Do you know where I can find Staples. I need to make copies"... He answered "No hablo íngles".... No hablo íngles..well I speak a little tiny bit Spanish, but 4 semesters have not prepared me enough to be able to ask where I can find Staples!! Decided to go home and look it up online - yay for Google Maps!!
Back home I called my parents - crying- freaking them out. We decided that being tired from traveling, jet-lag and not eating enough exhausted me to the point of total break down.. also it seems that emotionally things have caught up with me. For some weird reason this whole ordeal did not feel real even when I stepped out of the plane and dragged my 2 suitcases across town. And today I met the man with the hammer of Reality: I'm in New York City, learning a million things..and tomorrow I'll start again.
Starbucks really does feel like my 'third place'..and I am starting to relax a bit and enjoy the sounds of different conversations and the occasional milk-heater/foamer.
Rough day today...woke up thinking "WHAT HAVE I DONE??" leaving my warm home, parents, friends, family..leaving Familiarity (read the book 'the DreamGiver') to be all alone in this huge city..to start all over - what was I thinking. So I called my sister crying - scaring my brother-in-law half to death. He picked up the phone first..I just wanted to talk to someone who knows me and knows I'll get through this..And who can do a better job than your sister? Well, MY sister! :) After an hour conversation with lots of encouragments I watched Obama's inauguration. It was beautiful, peaceful, hopeful, but it will take time and dedication to make it reality, America.
Then I went out..stepped out in a new world looking for things I need - bank account, social security number, phone number and a place to copy forms... To find a place to copy forms in a city you don't know is a challenge in a separate category. And asking people hasn't proven to be very helpful: after the bank clerk told me to go to Staples and pointed in a vague direction I decided to ask a man on the street. Walking up to him I asked "Can I ask you a question?" he stepped a little closer to hear better, so I continued "Do you know where I can find Staples. I need to make copies"... He answered "No hablo íngles".... No hablo íngles..well I speak a little tiny bit Spanish, but 4 semesters have not prepared me enough to be able to ask where I can find Staples!! Decided to go home and look it up online - yay for Google Maps!!
Back home I called my parents - crying- freaking them out. We decided that being tired from traveling, jet-lag and not eating enough exhausted me to the point of total break down.. also it seems that emotionally things have caught up with me. For some weird reason this whole ordeal did not feel real even when I stepped out of the plane and dragged my 2 suitcases across town. And today I met the man with the hammer of Reality: I'm in New York City, learning a million things..and tomorrow I'll start again.
dinsdag 20 januari 2009
January 19th - part 2
About an hour away from NY..and still can't believe I'm going to be in that city for 6 months. Even though I just had pizza&coke :) It will probably not be real until I'm there, breathing in the city air.
January 19th
I'm sitting here in a plane at Schiphol Airport waiting to fly to London and then to New York..and having come up with a name I like, I decided to start a blog.. I just need an outlet for all these thoughts. Not sure who I'll be writing for and a little worried that I might not experience ANYTHING worth writing or have this blog become some sort of whinewall - if so, tell me please.
The plane is finally moving and I am no longer in control. Well, for the next couple of hours. Will I one day be one of those business people who steps onto a plane as if they're taking the train? I know that the statistics are on my side..but it is a control issue. Flying is still something that confronts me with my mortality in a much too obvious way, but at the same time I don't need to be in control... And breathing in the AC air in this plane actually worries me more...What are my chances of getting sick? Statistics anyone?
The plane is finally moving and I am no longer in control. Well, for the next couple of hours. Will I one day be one of those business people who steps onto a plane as if they're taking the train? I know that the statistics are on my side..but it is a control issue. Flying is still something that confronts me with my mortality in a much too obvious way, but at the same time I don't need to be in control... And breathing in the AC air in this plane actually worries me more...What are my chances of getting sick? Statistics anyone?
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