Fasting contemplations at Starbucks...

I read today in my free news paper -metro- that the subway is seeing a decline in passengers for the first time in x amount of years. It is a direct result of the lay -offs. Which could tell us some interesting things, but I'm drawing blanks right now...

But back to the subway: I needed something to do for my subway rides home. In the morning I usually travel -or commute- with Lindy, so I don't need entertainment. And I do have my Ipod with enough music to ride the subway while being serenaded for hours...but the trains are loud and I don't want to be deaf at the end of my stay here. So, solution: I bought a book - but it is SO FUNNY that it makes me laugh out loud!! And that makes me a little self-conscious. So I laugh softly -but hard- which I think makes me look like I'm either crying (dramatically - ugly face) or choking on something...So now I ride the subways with a book burning a hole in my bag, in serious need of being read - because we all do need some uncontrollable laughs in our lives sometimes. Perhaps, I'll be brave enough to start reading it again and not think about that people might think I'm a crazy lady laughing about nothing.

Oh, tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. The church I go to actually does something for this day and the following 40 days. It made me think about lent and fasting for those 40 days. But what to fast on?? First I thought "no eating out" which would be a serious challenge..."and would getting lunch count as eating out?" These questions are important, but it might be my motivation that is really questionable - eating out takes a proportionate part of my budget. Lent would be the perfect excuse. So then I switched to "only buying necessities, no clothes, music, magazines, books or luxurious foods/drinks, only simple groceries"...but my birthday is somewhere in the middle of lent (sidetrack: realizing this made me grateful I'm not catholic otherwise my bdays would probably not have been much fun for the last 23 years....) and lacking family and close friends to spoil me, I might just have to do it myself. So, moving on..."no music?" I've done it before, and it is a good one because I do have the tendency to fill silences with music - Silences in which God might want to speak to me since most of my prayers are me rambling and God listening (very patiently)...but I don't want to......well, get depressed. 40 days without music is very very long!! So, next! "perhaps no make-up? no...No....NOOOOO!! That is a LIFE NECESSITY!!!" then I realized that Jesus made it 40 days and nights without food and water and they might be a little higher on the scale of physical needs....hmmm...still, I don't want to look tired or even sick for 40 days - what if I meet PC (read: Prince Charming) and he might be totally not interested because I'll look 14 instead of 24! "So, maybe just a little bit of make-up would be an option?" Nuh...that's so semi-lent-ish. "No parfume?" Nah..that's too easy. "40 days no sex?" eeh...what sex? "40 days no tv?"..I don't watch much tv here; don't think those 2 hours a week will make much of an impact. "40 days no deodorant?" Eh..I'm not sure if becoming a social pariah is one of the objectives...."No Starbucks?, no tweezers? (neueueuue, see deo part), no flirting? (as if...ah well...okay..:), no chocolate?, no driving?, no phone?, no meat?, no cookies?, no chips?, no gum? DEAR LORD, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME NOT TO DO???" Then I realized, perhaps it is not about what NOT to do..but what TO DO - finding God. Reconnecting. Catching up. Perhaps it is not about doing something not for 40 days..but consciously searching God for 40 days. And abstaining from otherwise cluttering habits (like listening to music) might be helpful - but it is not the goal, just a mean.